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Vidal Nuno has been named the M's "lefty setup man," which kind of sets the tone for our entire bullpen experience.  You can't say we are horrified, but certainly we grok as cartoon dizzy with spiral eyes.  

To be fair, a cost-cutting bullpen is to be expected when you've feasted on $4M catchers and first basemen ... hold it.  :: he stops short :: Our bullpen isn't all that cheap, is it.  Ah well.  Take it out of the M's $117M profit last year.

... where were we.  ... that nobody ELSE has a lefty setup man standing 5'10" tall with an 89 fastball, 85 slider and four pitches.  If you have to ask why Tony Zych's two simple weapons profile better for a 12-pitch outing, you wouldn't understand.

Against all odds, Nuno "works."  You turn the key in the ignition and the engine does turn on.

....

Nuno also slides the EQ knob allllllll the wayyyyyyy overrrrrr from "BB" to "HR."  He just isn't going to give in to the hitter; the pesky rodent Angel Trout is either going to hit the ball off the wall, off the third baseman or off the popcorn vendor in left, but he is NOT going to get four balls and a stolen base.  For his career, Nuno allows a measly 2.4 walks but also vomits up 1.4 homers per nine innings.

All of this emesis will sound like fun until ----- > Nuno actually gives up two home runs in the first two weeks, trying to hold leads.  Visualize that for a second.  Opening Day, Felix vs Hamels, we're all grinning ear to ear when Robinson Cano smokes a Cole Hamels curve down into the corner for a 2-1 lead.  Nuno comes into the 8th, a runner on, Fielder and Beltre and Choo up and a man on 1B.  Fielder, being an extremely excellent hitter, takes a tough pitch into left for a single.  :: gulp ::

Then Nuno gives up a 407-footer to Beltre, putting the M's behind 4-2 in the season opener.

Hey, take the good with the bad, right?  Nuno is just one of those guys who gives up homers.

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Is Nuno a LEGITIMATE setup man?  Legitimate, to be precise, means "conforming to the law or the rules" ... (nah) ... or "able to be defended with logic or justification."

Hm.  Much to Dr. D's surprise, Vidal Nuno is a completely "legit" setup man.  Here I thought "legit" was a pretty strong word.  It's actually a very soft word.  Nuno is legit, baby!  ... then again, ask Mojician exactly what it is that he couldn't "defend with logic or justification."

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Is Nuno an ADEQUATE setup man?  Adequate, it says here, connotes "satisfactory in quality."  AB SO LUTE LY NOT.

Did YOU know that "legit" meant less than "adequate" does?  :- )  Doesn't matter whether you did or didn't.  Now you know that Vidal Nuno is Legitimate but not Adequate.

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Is Nuno a SERVICEABLE setup man?  Webster's suggests that "usable" is the flavor of this word.  HEHHH !!

As you know, DiPoto has "usable" major league players down to the #34 spot on his 25-man roster.  Webster's also says that "serviceable" implies "functional and durable rather than attractive."  Dr. D defies you to tell him that this hasn't been precisely SSI's characterization of Vidal Nuno since before his mom met his dad.

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Is Nuno a SENSIBLE choice to pitch the 8th inning?  "Chosen in accordance with wisdom; likely to be of benefit."  Um, no.  Not unless you consider Gary Gilliam "likely to be of benefit" simply because you wouldn't want a maitre' d standing with a napkin over his arm, gesturing the defensive end towards Russell Wilson.

....

In all this, we did stop for a moment and check Nuno's homer splits against left hand batters.  It does not seem to Dr. D, at least, that Nuno's 89 MPH would suppress lefty power, but ... that is exactly what has been the case.

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And last year, for example, Nuno coughed up 14 homers against righties but only one against lefties.  I din't know dat, did you.  There's no reason that I can see, on TV, that Nuno should have a wider platoon split than, say, Mike Montgomery.  ... who in his career has given up a .461 SLG against lefties vs a .402 SLG vs righties, by the way.  

One of you smart guys want to tell me why Nuno's painfully slow pitches should give lefties more trouble than Montgomery's much sharper ones?  And don't tell me every finesse lefty with command does great against lefties.  It ain't so.  There's a reason that teams want to bring in Matt Thornton to pitch to Cecil Fielder.

But as has happened several times this spring, Dr. D's attention was called to an interesting point by ---- > Jerry DiPoto.  Who characterized Nuno as a lefty specialist.  It's kind of cool to have a GM who will tell you a bit about what he's thinking.  What's the downside?

Nuno has been very good against lefties, even out of the bullpen.  Hold on to the side of the couch, white knuckle, for that one Adrian Beltre at-bat every 7th inning.

Vive a la Vidal,

Jeff