The plate appearance joke alone is worth the $3 weekly SSI subscription fee. All this other stuff is profit.
Here's a couple more:
Taijuan's fastball doesn't rise. It causes the world to sink.
Taijuan doesn't observe the strike zone. The umpires say to themselves "its just a game, it isn't worth it" when they think about calling a ball.
The announcers stopped calling Taijuan's opponents "hitters or batters" and instead opted for the terminology of "victim" and "statistic".
If you missed it in the Shout Box, our man Ji-Man Choi (Talk40 #19) came in fourth in the Futures Game voting. So ... with Brad Miller (Talk40 #6) promoted and Choi failing to make the team, it appears at the moment that Taijuan Walker (Talk40 #2) will be the only Mariner representative.
As for Luiz Gohara (Talk40 #21), he pitched 2.0 IP and gave up two runs on two hits and two walks. He also struck out two. But the game was suspended.
AAA -- Tacoma 4, Colorado Springs 1 -- Box
Speaking of Walker, Seattle Mariner NOT Texas Ranger ...
Taijuan Walker once struck out eight Colorado Springs Sky Sox. Then he got off the bus.
5.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 8 K
Taijuan Walker doesn't need offensive support. Opposing batters offer to score runs for his team.
Stefen Romero (Talk40 #11): 3-for-4, double.
When Taijuan Walker pitches, a "plate appearance" is when the batter asks the umpire if he may return to the dugout now.
Logan Bawcom (Talk40 #31) got his 13th save.
Taijuan Walker can throw the solar system to the other side of the universe. He struck out Orion on a belt-high fastball.
Yes, you can try these at home. Al Gore knew this technology would be good for something one day.
AA -- Birmingham 4, Jackson 1 -- Box
Our two "best stories of the year so far" combined in this game, but the result was only favorable for one of them.
Anthony Vasquez (The [New] Best Story of the Year So Far), who survived emergency brain surgery to remove a tumor that almost killed him, had a strong start: 6.0 IP, 4 H, 1 ER, 1 BB, 2 K.
But Nick Hill (The [2nd] Best Story of the Year So Far), the West Point grad who pitched while also serving as an Army officer, but then missed more than two whole seasons before reappearing this year, ended up surrendering the decisive runs in the top of the 9th (1.0 IP, 3 ER).
Chris Taylor (Talk40 #28) got two more hits.
High-A -- High Desert 3, Lake Elsinore 2 -- Box
The Mavericks got a break -- a trip to Lake Elsinore, where it was only 98 degrees instead of 107. And, presumably, there's a lake there.
Whether he got a refreshing dip or not, Daniel Paolini (Talk40 #26) keeps on hitting. Two more hits plus a walk.
In the top of the 9th, a double by Jamal Austin keyed the winning run.
And another scoreless outing and save for Dominic Leone (Talk40 #25). Leone for Bullpen!
Low-A -- Quad Cities 9, Clinton 8 -- Box
This back-and-forth affair went to the very end, when the River Bandits got three in the 9th to overcome a 8-6 deficit.
Jordy Lara homered for Clinton.
Taylor Ard (Talk40 #32) had a double, a single and two walks.
Short Season-A -- Everett 7, Vancouver 3 -- Box
The Aqua Sox ruined Canada Day for the Vancouver crowd.
Shortstop Jack Reinheimer had three hits and a walk.
Center fielder James Zamarripa (Watch List) had two hits and a stolen base, as did second baseman Jamodrick McGruder (26intheMix), who added a walk.
Jose Valdivia (Watch List) went the final two innings scoreless.
AZL Rookie -- Mariners 9, A's 4 -- Box
Cold front: only 108 in Arizona instead of 113.
But another sweaty hammer dropped on the junior A's by the junior M's.
The Tank [Tyler O'Neill] was in left field, and got a double and a single.
Right fielder Estarlyn Morales delivered three hits of his own.
Looking Ahead
Danny Hultzen (Talk40 #4) is next up for the Tacoma "Next Five." And the Dutch Master Lars Huijer gets another go for Everett.
Comments
Just like the Big Blog bequeathed King Felix's nickname, I think you've nailed this one Spec. Walker, Seattle Mariner and Chuck Norris style one liners are Taijuan's proper destiny.
Right down the heart Spec. :: shakes head ::
.........
$3 weekly, eh counselor? How often would you go for a supplemental e-guide the way that Jason does them? ;- )
Baseball research and advanced statistics give me a headache, and trigger bad memories from college. When Spec does those boxes to decide whether a prospect has had a "golden year" or not, I just count up the shaded color boxes from his excel spreadsheet and then take his word for it. POTD's or Chuck Norris jokes on the other hand, are the context that makes baseball worth following.
Taijuan doesn't throw the ball. He just opens his hand a little bit and lets it think that it is escaping.