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The Cruz Jr for Timlin/Splojaric deal made sense to me; the '97 team was a HOF-laced squad that was doomed by its bullpen. And neither I nor the Mariners ever saw Cruz Jr as a future MVP candidate.
The Slocumb trade was way over the top in any case, as you note, and the Ortiz trade an alltimer.
Excellent flavor text also :- )