... for preventing the Orcs of Mordor from being a burthen to their League or their Country, and for making them Beneficial to the Mariners
Thanks for that, Mo. It's always good to remember that the Mariners are the Riders of Rohan, with the golden locks of Gamel and Motter streaming behind us as we rush forward to defeat the snarling horde of Orcs. We rescued an Uruk-Hai this offseason, cleansed him with elven magic, and installed him at 1B. This is proof that Sauran's minions are redeemable, which means we have a moral obligation to save the Orcs, not feed their ranks. As such, I think any 5 for 1 would be morally untenable, since we would be sacrificing far more mortal souls than we would be reclaiming. Best player in the deal be damned, we've got bigger things to worry about than baseball.
I hope Jerry's reading this. I want to see Zeus traded for the entire Oakland minor league system, and soon. We've got to sacrifice a god to save all those poor men. It's the only logical option.